Don't talk to me about eating healthy,
I am doing the best that I know how;
I eat the choicest cuts of meat
And only drink milk from an organic cow.
Don't talk to me about eating sugar,
For I get high on sweets every day;
Cookies, cake, ice cream, donuts,
Candy bars, and giant slushes chase my blues
away.
Don't talk to me about drinking
coffee,
For I need my morning 'cup o' joe,'
That shot of caffeine is a wonder drug
That picks me up, so that I can go, go, go.
Don't talk to me about eating
processed food,
For I give packaged goods special nods;
Boxes, cans, bottles with fancy wrappers
Are like opening gifts from the food gods.
Don't talk to me about eating fish
and lobster,
For I am a connoisseur of the sea;
Steamed clams and oysters-on-the-half shell
Are two of my favorite delicacies.
Don't talk to me about ham steaks
and bacon
And how they are not good for me;
I am a hog when it comes to pork roast
And devour a bag of pork rinds with glee.
Don't talk to me about exercise!
Each day I get my fair share;
I walk to and from the fridge and W.C.
And get up and down from my easy chair.
Don't talk to me about sleep,
For I get my z's every day
On the couch, in my chair or bed
I pop a pill and sleep away.
Don't talk to me about my weight,
For I know that I have too much;
But I am content to waddle around
As I look for something good to munch.
Don't talk to me about posture,
Because I know that mine ain't too great;
My belly hangs down, my shoulders droop,
And my back is curved not straight.
Don't talk to me about drinking
alcohol,
Because on weekends I like my beer;
Otherwise I'll have a gin and tonic
Or a glass of wine with someone dear.
Don't talk to me about smoking,
I've been puffing since a teen;
I smoke two to three packs of cigs a day
And slip a little weed inbetween.
Now don't think that I am a boozer
or a loser,
For I am a smart and handsome guy;
I only do what my doctor tells me
And take the best drugs that money can buy.
Don't talk to me about heart
attacks,
For I've been there, done had two;
I'm a proud owner of a triple by-pass
And have several stents inside me, too.
Don't talk to me about healthcare,
For the government treats me well,
Free passes to surgery and chemotherapy,
And plenty of pills that work just swell.
Don't talk to me about medical
bills,
For mine are piled sky high;
But it's worth the price I have to pay
So that I do not have to die.
So don't talk to me about eating
healthy,
For I am doing the best that I know how;
My heart disease is under control,
And my blood sugar level is down now.
My cancer is in remission, they say,
So no more chemo for me!
Though I lost all my hair, it will grow back-
Just give it time, you'll see.
My arthritis is a bummer, though,
That causes me much pain;
But I figure that it comes with old age
And when there's going to be rain.
My eyes are growing dimmer by the
day
So reading is not what it used to be;
I stumble around like a drunkened sailor
And people wonder what's wrong with me.
Each day my hearing is on the
decline,
I can hardly hear what people say;
Soon I may need a hearing aid
That hopefully good ol' medicare will pay.
So don't talk to me about eating
healthy,
For I'm doing the best that I know how;
Friends and family say that I have dementia,
But what they think I totally disavow.
In my opinion I'm perfectly fine,
I'm as healthy as a mule, a cow or horse;
Though I am a little worn around the edges,
I take life's blows as a matter of course.
So don't talk to me about eating
healthy,
Everyone has to die of something, I say;
So I might as well enjoy life to the fullest,
Until the coroner takes me away.
When I get to heaven, hopefully
there will be
Fast food restaurants, and a pizza place,
Donut shops, and an ice cream parlor,
So that I can spend eternity feeding my face.
When I'm gone, don't cry or mourn,
For 'tis likely that I will be
Sitting up high on a cloud somewhere,
Eating a big, tall ice cream sundae.
So ended the life of Mr. X
Who died from eating too many Corn Chex;
On his tombstone it does read,
'Don't talk to me about eating healthy,
For I ate real well and look where it got me!'
There is a way
that seemeth right unto a man, but the end
thereof are the ways of death.- Proverbs
16:25
NOTE:
It is medically, scientifically, and
scripturally proven that the Standard
American
Diet
of cooked, processed, and animal-based foods
is the greatest cause of sickness,
pain, disease, and death in the world.
_________________________________________________________
Recommended
resources:
Death
by Diet
by Robert Barefoot
We
Did Our Best
Books by George
Malkmus-
Why
Christians Get Sick
God's
Original Diet
The
Hallelujah Diet
Complete
resource for the Hallelujah Diet
Back
to LIVING Letter #119
/ Index
